The Allied States of Polkopia is a gargantuan, orderly nation, ruled by Aleksandr Bebek with an iron fist, and notable for its zero percent divorce rate, frequent executions, and punitive income tax rates. The hard-nosed, cynical, humorless population of 27.549 billion Polkopians are kept under strict control by the oppressive government, which measures its success by the nation's GDP and refers to individual citizens as "human resources."

The enormous, corrupt, moralistic, well-organized government juggles the competing demands of Defense, Law & Order, and Education. It meets to discuss matters of state in the capital city of Peeto. The income tax rate is 100%.

The frighteningly efficient Polkopian economy, worth a remarkable 6,034 trillion Polkopian Dollars a year, is fairly diversified and dominated by the Arms Manufacturing industry, with significant contributions from Beef-Based Agriculture, Furniture Restoration, and Uranium Mining. Average income is an amazing 219,042 Polkopian Dollars, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.9 times as much as the poorest.

Conscripts often volunteer for a second tour of duty so they can get a ticket to next year's Army Revue, coffee cups have grown in size to accommodate the huge ingredients list, foreign musicians that Aleksandr Bebek dislikes are turned away at the border, and any body part that can be cut off a person is no longer considered to be their property. Crime, especially youth-related, is totally unknown, thanks to the all-pervasive police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Polkopia's national animal is the Bear, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its national religion is Orthodoxy.

Polkopia is ranked 291,615^th in the world and 11,195^th in Lazarus for Nicest Citizens, with 0.16 average smiles per day.